My Greatest Fear (and its haunting affects on my life)

For as long as I can remember I have had one constant fear. Sometimes its more frightening than spiders but often I'd rather feel its affect then come across any arachnid.

Perhaps its nothing I should be anxious about but I can confess that it has kept me up many nights whilst staring at the revolving ceiling fan. 

My greatest fear is to become another statistic. 

Perhaps you've heard some of these:

• 30-50% of all marriages end in divorce
• 5-20% of people will die because of their eating disorders 
• 663,750 (approx.) abortions have happened this year

And there are plenty more. If there is a category for something there is a statistic for it. 

And I have always feared being labeled by one of these studies that I have read in some book or magazine. 

But not only is this the greatest fear of my life it happens also to be one of the most influential forces as well. In some ways the pressure to not be some statistic has caused me to buckle down and set many boundaries. But in other ways its been extremely dangerous leading me toward what I care not to be. 

I wish I could remember where I heard this but this phrase frames my struggle so well, "The thing that you run away from is the very thing you become." 

How true of a statement that is and I do believe that is more a practical statement than a philosophical one.  I've spent plenty of my energy on not becoming like this person or not developing that habit that I end being just like that person or enduring the constraints of  negative habits. 

I've learned that which you run away from will alway catch up with you because you are constantly looking back to it in order to measure yourself against it. For instance, if you swore you'd never grow up to be like your parents you undoubtedly spent much time comparing yourself and your actions to them and theirs. Then it occurs. That perfect sequence of events that forces you to react just like they would have. And reality sets it: you are just like them. 

I've come to realize ever so recently that this does not just happen with people you are close to but with people that you have never met. And those people that you have never met are what these studies call statistics. And as I ran away from them it seems I was running right toward them. 

And its really only grace that flashes that warning sign that we need to stop running away from something and start running toward someone. In the all-encompasing sense that someone is Jesus. We all should quicken our steps toward him. But the principle rings true in all areas of our life. You may swear on Granny's grave that you would never have an affair with someone who is not your spouse. But if focus all your energy on running from the affair and spend no energy in running toward or pursuing a better relationship with your spouse, well, I have news for you: That affair is coming around the corner. It may not be sexual or emotional. It may not even be another person. But eventually you will fill that relational void with someone or something else. 

I hope these words were an agent of grace to you, dear reader. In the rat race of life don't forget to check your finish line because merely running from something will never get you to where you want to go.